I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
