you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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