Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
