Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
