I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
