I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
