Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
