Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
