You surviving the open bar?
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If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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