I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
