All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
