I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
