After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize