I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
