My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
