Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
