he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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