You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
