wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
