im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
