That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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