Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
