Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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