$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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