Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
