You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
