Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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