Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
