Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
