Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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