I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
