I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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