Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
