Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
