it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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