Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
