she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize