Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
