I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
