My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize