Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
