Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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