Quick, to the slutcave!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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