Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
