I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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