Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
