If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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