I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
