Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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