Someone shit on the floor
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
