goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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