I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize