u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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