I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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