I look better un-naked...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
