Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
