On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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