I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
