I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
