So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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