I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
