i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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