we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
