I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
