I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
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if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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